


Permafrost

by Flavortext



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Jester finally gets to be angry, inter party fighting, post ep 93
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22502050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flavortext/pseuds/Flavortext
Summary: "It's kind of a sight to behold," Jester says with a laugh."I'd like to see it one day," Beau says earnestly. Jester smiles.-So Nott's offer was kinda Fucked Up huh? We almost lost Beau? Fuck! Have some catharsis through everyone's favorite blue tiefling going a little bit ape shit. as a treat.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 21
Kudos: 236





	Permafrost

Jester holds onto herself by a thread. All through the night, huddled as close to Caleb as possible in the dome, jumping at every noise, she holds on. She’s pretty sure she’s left bruises on Beau’s arm by morning, indents where her nails dig into her skin, but Beau is too checked out to care. Jester thinks Beau sleeps, at some point, head pillowed on her lap, too tired and shocked to do anything but lay there grounded by Jester’s grip on her arm and hand running through her hair. As soon as the dome falls Caleb draws his circle, and they step through into the underground chamber in Rhosana. And Jester loses it, just a little. 

“What were you  _ thinking!” _ She screams, everyone stumbling back as she rounds on Nott behind her. Beau is yanked along, still held fast in Jester’s grip. The drow guards raise their weapons in slight confusion, and Nott scampers back a bit, eyes wide. 

“What do you mean?” She yelps, raising her hands. 

“You know fucking well what I mean!” Jester screams, tail lashing behind her. She feels it hit the back of her friend’s leg and Beau winces. Jester lets out an angry noise and relaxes her grip a bit, enough that Beau could probably break away if she tried. She doesn’t move, though. “War, Nott? Is that what you’d risk for this?” Jester hisses. Nott scowls. 

“I was just putting it on the table-”

“Two days ago you weren’t even sure you  _ wanted _ to change back- and now it’s worth thousands of lives? Everything we’ve worked for?” Jester sees Caleb move to say something out of the corner of her eye and shoots him a death glare. Fjord’s hand shoots out and steadies itself on the wizard’s shoulder, and Jester rips her gaze away, back to Nott still braced on the ground. 

“It wouldn’t really affect  _ us _ , though,” Nott says defensively. 

“It  _ does, Nott _ !” Jester hisses. “It affects- the people here, everyone in the Empire! Innocent people!” Jester’s voice feels raw, echoing off the walls of the chamber, but she can’t seem to stop, now. “Do you think that just because your husband and kid are in Nicodranas- thanks to  _ my mother, _ that no one you care about can be hurt? Did you think about Kiri? Or Bryce? Or Shakaste or Keg or Reani of any of our friends at all? Did you think about the people-  _ People, _ Nott! People we don’t know! Who are fighting this war they shouldn’t even be in that we’re  _ supposed to fix? _ ” Jester gulps in a breath of air, pausing for a moment. 

“I just thought- I just think we’d be able to stop it again, right? A little harder this time but it- we’ve gotten this far, right?” Nott squeaks. Jester shakes her head. 

“By the skin of our teeth! By- by nearly  _ dying. _ Some of us  _ have _ died, Nott. Thanks to  _ fucking _ you.” Jester looks to Caduceus, who is leaning on his staff with a serious expression. Nott follows her gaze, face cold. 

“Look-” Nott cuts herself off, picking herself up to her feet. “Maybe it was a stupid choice, I’m desperate here!” She raises her voice too, now. Jester scoffs. 

“Oh, sure, that’s why it took you so long to decide! You weren’t even sure you  _ wanted _ to go back to Yeza, and I didn’t want you to! Nott, I didn’t want you to leave us! That’s why you kissed Caleb- because you’re so  _ desperate _ for any damn excuse to be reckless and stupid just on the chance you might be lucky one day and get what you want without the work.” Jester stomps her foot, feeling a swell of pride as Nott’s face falls. Her golden eyes flick back to Caleb, standing shell-shocked next to Fjord and Yasha now, all three sets of eyes trained on Jester. Nott looks between her gathered friends silently. 

“We were willing to do the work, Nott,” Jester says, voice suddenly giving out. “We chased Fjord’s dreams across the oceans. We followed you to get your husband back. We fought and  _ fought  _ and  _ fought _ to get Yasha back, to get Fjord’s sword, and we  _ won. _ And we stood by Beau to face her family and all so we- were supposed to be a  _ team, _ and you were about to throw all of the trust we’ve built up here and there without even giving us a  _ chance _ to find another way to save you.” 

“I came back out,” Nott says slowly. Jester hiccups, breaths coming short and shallow. “I knew you all wouldn’t like it. I ran it by the group.” She lets her shoulders fall. “I’ve done some really stupid things. I’m reckless and-” 

“You don’t get to say you’re sorry.” Jester hisses. Nott stops, eyes falling down to the ground. 

“Jes,” Beau says softly, hand turning over in Jester’s grasp. Jester whips around, heart beating fast again. 

“You don’t get to talk either!” She yells, not quite as loud. Beau stares at her with wide still red-brimmed eyes. “You were just going to walk away!” Jester releases Beau from her grasp, for the first time since she grabbed her hand as they ran through the woods last night. Beau rubs at the spot where Jester’s fingers left their mark almost unconsciously. 

“I- I’d lay down my life for you guys, I’ve said that.” 

“And you knew I wouldn’t let you! You can’t tell us we’re your family and then just expect us to let you  _ leave _ . You can’t  _ leave _ me, Beau.” Jester’s voice falls to nearly a whisper. Beau blinks, mouth open. 

“I don’t want to leave you, Jes.” She says quietly. Jester feels herself sob. 

“Then  _ don’t offer to.” _ She says thickly. Beau reaches out, hand falling still just a few inches from Jesters. 

“I’m sorry,” Beau says softly. Jester sniffles, swallowing against her raw throat. A movement to her left catches her eye. 

“Me too,” Nott says, keeping a few foot distance but moving into Jester’s eyeshot. She is holding onto herself tightly, skin pale. Jester feels her rage still squirming in her chest. “I’ve- that was probably the stupidest thing I could have done, there.” 

“About on par,” Caduceus says from behind them, deceptively even. Nott flinches. 

“You have some shit to work on,” Fjord says. Nott looks at him, eyes traveling a bit to the side of him. Caleb stands still and silent, leaning on Fjord’s firm grip. Nott breathes a little shakily and nods. She fumbles in her pockets for a second. 

“Take this.” She says, unclipping her flask from her belt and dropping it on the floor at Jester’s feet. Nott steps back, hands raised. Jester rubs furiously at her eyes, bending and scooping it up. She jams it into a pocket and fixes Nott with a glare. 

“That’s a  _ step. _ She says coldly. Nott shivers and nods, rubbing at her arms. 

“Jester, you’re kinda-” Beau says from next to her. Jester looks over, and then around her, back to her feet. A ring of frost extends from her and all around, icicles forming across the grooves in the floor that forms the teleportation circle. Beau stands right next to her, in the epicenter, bare arms and midriff dotted with flecks of frost. Her hand is still half extended across the small gap between them. Jester blinks again and fiercely takes it, squeezing Beau’s hand in hers. 

“I didn’t mean to-” She looks around again, at the stunned faces of her friends. Yasha is the only one who doesn’t look afraid, just surprised. It makes Jester feel sick. “I didn’t mean to get so angry.”

“I deserve it,” Nott says, at the same time Beau speaks, nearly under her breath, 

“It was kinda really hot.” Jester’s neck twinges with how fast she looks around. Beau bites back her words and starts to shrug and smile, laugh it off as she has been doing with every other remark Jester has caught and not addressed head-on. 

“Is that why you were going to leave, Beau?” She says, suddenly wishing she could be having this conversation anywhere else besides this stone room, in front of all their friends. Beau gulps. 

“What do you mean?” She says, cheeks darkening. Jester stomps her foot.

“I mean do- were you going to sacrifice yourself because you thought I didn’t love you back?” 

Beau’s face falls flat. Her half-smile goes slack along with her hand in Jesters. She takes a fraction of a step backward. 

“That wasn’t why, Jessie. I couldn’t hold something like that against you.” Beau says, defeated. Jester tightens her grip. 

“Well good thing you don’t have to because _ I do, _ dummy,” Jester says with a huff. Beau’s jaw is already slack, but she blinks slowly again. Nott makes some kind of incomprehensible noise off to the side. 

“ _ What?” _ Beau squeaks. Jester groans and shakes her head, dropping Beau’s hand only to grab both sides of her face and tugging her back close to her, planting a firm kiss on Beau’s lips. She moves back a fraction of an inch and talks with Beau’s forehead pressed to hers. “You don’t get to walk away from this.” She says firmly. Beau makes some kind of attempt at words, gives up, and kisses Jester, arms falling into some awkward arrangement around her waist. She breaks away after only a moment.

“Uh-” Beau says thickly. Jester shakes her head. 

“I’m still mad at both of you,” Jester says, voice shaking. 

“Okay,” Beau says softly. Jester rubs her thumb over Beau’s damp cheek. 

“We’re a  _ family, _ none of us get to mess that up,” Jester says firmly. Beau nods, breaking into a smile despite herself. Jester leans her head on Beau’s shoulder, tilting it to the side to look back towards Nott and the rest. Nott gives her a timid thumbs up, mouthing “sorry”, and Jester gives a firm nod. 

Yasha breaks into soft applause, and the tension breaks. Beau  _ laughs, _ mostly into Jester’s hair, holding her even closer with tight arms around her waist. The two drow guards awkwardly lower their weapons. Caduceus crosses back to stand next to Fjord and Caleb, dropping to a knee to be closer to Nott’s level. 

“We’ll have a talk,” He says. Nott nods, shoving her hands into her pockets. Caduceus nods back, pushing himself to his feet, and waves a hand to Caleb. Caleb breaks out of whatever trance he’s been in and holds a hand out to her, hoisting her up onto his shoulders when she takes it. Fjord and Yasha flank him as they start their trek up towards the surface. Jester looks back in front of her, to Beau. 

“Hi,” She says with a giggle. 

“Hey,” Beau says nearly at the same time. 

Jester isn’t sure which of them breaks first, but they’re kissing again, and ice melting off Beau’s skin. It’s only the awkward cough from the guard sometime later that breaks them apart. 

“We should- catch up,” Jester says, biting her lip. Beau is blushing fiercely. 

“Yeah, uh, thanks- sorry for the show.” Beau slides her hand down into Jester and tugs her along, up the stairs towards the dark surface. Jester hurries along behind her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the Critical Girls server for the supportive comments! Kudos and comments much appreciated!!


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